Posted on January 9, 2026
Like so many others, I have fallen in love with a specific and very controversial dead boy. The more I read about him and got to know how his mind worked (somewhat), I have become hopelessly obssessed.
He was tall (about 6'3), lanky, dirty blonde hair that he had hoped to grow longer which would've suited him well, large hands worn rough and scarred from messing with knives and gun parts. He wore shirts that showed off his good taste in music and films, a long black duster and combat boots. He always wore an onyx ring on his left hand, the same hand he wrote and drew and did mostly everything with. Often he wore a pair of overly expensive sunglasses that he'd gotten at the mall on a whim, and he was usually wearing a Boston Red Sox cap.
He was such a tortured soul. Gone before he could realize what becoming a monster feels like once it's happened. Never had time to process it. Laid there choking on his own blood and the fluid from his brains that he failed to blow out all the way. I could go on and on about how sad and lonely he was and how I feel it too and always have, but it's not like anything I could possibly say in that regard is unique from what's already been said. I just feel a connection to him. Whatever it may be, it is ours.
Being in love with the dead is sort of peaceful that way. It's so secure. No one can truly have him, there is no real competition. In the same way you can have the same crush on a famous actor as someone else and there's no legitimate way for it to become an issue because that person is unobtainable...only...it is not easy for many to communicate with the dead. I don't want to say I'm the only necromancer or whatever you want to call it to ever think about talking to either of the boys, I'm just saying it's not a gift that is bestowed on just anyone. It isn't a learned skill either. I'm not someone who "sees" or channels spirits, that is a whole other responsibility which I have much respect for, but I do feel the dead around me. All the time. Nowadays I feel him and it's a lot stronger than any of my relatives or dead loved ones.
I don't like to put myself in the delusional mindset that I am somehow special or more deserving of his attention than anyone else. It would be absurd to do that, especially since he has his pick of anyone, especially if he's stuck at 17 forever. I will continue to age while he stays frozen in his youth. I envy him so much for that. That is the exact age I would've done it, maybe 18, but I wish I never gave myself the chance to experience adult freedom so early on. Because yeah I do the normal amount of partying, just not in the way that most people do I guess. I wasn't ever popular, I had friends who were also outcasts and they seemed to only tolerate me and someone who would've definitely been my accomplice if things had gone a bit differently.
I digress lol...
He has his pick of any number of girls his age, maybe younger (though I don't see him as that type of guy) or better looking than me. I'm quite the opposite of hideous. If only you knew my track record on the internet lol... Even in elementary school I was pulling though. I never had an issue going for people or attracting them. I don't lack confidence, but I know what it's like to. I know what it's like to feel hideous and like you are unworthy of love. If he did survive the attempt somehow without vegetizing himself or if he had decided to get arrested and the cops didn't shoot him on sight, I wonder if he would change his mind seeing all the deranged fangirls. Because yes of course they'd still be around. Look at all the other ones who survived, like Dylann Roof. Dude has no remorse for what he did and fat black transgender boys still wanna fuck him for some reason lol. What's silly to me is that Mexican girls tend to like Eric even though I'm pretty sure he hated Mexicans more than Jews or Blacks. Or he pretended to anyway. I'm going off on a tangent, ANYWAYS...the point is my boy could pick whoever he wants. Dead or alive.
But I'm glad he's dead. Not for the same reason most normies would say the same, but because no one can have him. If I can't have him, no one can, but the fact that he is sort of mythologized helps him belong to me. Like a comfort character, as fucked up as it seems. I'm glad that there is no wife for him to have met through writing letters with girls on the outs and romancing them or drawing them things. Having to compete with dozens or hundreds of other people who might be more interesting than me, be older with more experience in the same sorts of things he liked... who knows? And he would've definitely got the death penalty I think, so it wouldn't be a lot of time. But... having a dead husband would be cool idk lol.
I will just consider him my dead husband until he explicitly tells me to stop :3