Posted on January 11, 2026
Love how I can't stop seeing him in my dreams lately. I like to believe that he's visiting me and actually enjoys my company. Maybe on some nights he visits other girls, but when he's mine he's all mine.
This isn't exactly the spicy blog, so I will spare anyone the details of what he and I get down to. It hasn't been very kinky at all, aside from one dream I had where he insisted on doing stuff to my feet. I literally hate anyone touching them, but I will let him do anything to me for the most part lol. Usually we are goofing around or he's driving and there's some good music playing. We share cigarettes, talk about our views on existence, and we laugh a lot. I really need to start keeping a better record of the types of things we talk about because I can never remember anything besides bits and pieces.
I'm singing Roy Orbison "In Dreams" right now and getting sad and tearful because of how much yearning is in that song. I truly feel that for him to the point where it's making me sick. I want to stay asleep all the time and let the world pass me by just so I can be with my beautiful, lovely dead boy. It seems like the only place I can really escape to now that the internet is so censored is to my dreams, where I am the architect of all and I decide who gets to be in my world. I have nowhere to truly be free except for when I'm asleep... so that would explain my worst inclination besides love.